1
00:00:01,602 --> 00:00:03,135
The three biggest geniuses are...

2
00:00:03,136 --> 00:00:06,339
The slut who invented Hollywood tape...

3
00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:07,607
Hazard reported ahead.

4
00:00:07,608 --> 00:00:10,243
In 800 feet, turn left on...

5
00:00:10,244 --> 00:00:12,378
The psychic bitch on Waze...

6
00:00:13,747 --> 00:00:16,749
And whatever dubious
skank invented caller I.D.

7
00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:21,254
Good morning on this
very good morning, Eliza.

8
00:00:21,255 --> 00:00:23,155
Oh. What's so good about it?

9
00:00:23,156 --> 00:00:27,026
Saperstein is announcing the
company's sixth annual 10k today.

10
00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:28,594
Ugh. Still not seeing the good.

11
00:00:28,595 --> 00:00:32,098
I'm told by Henry that Henry
wins this competition every year.

12
00:00:32,099 --> 00:00:33,566
They even put his silhouette on the poster.

13
00:00:33,567 --> 00:00:35,401
- Oh!
- Let me tell you something, Eliza.

14
00:00:35,402 --> 00:00:37,203
All my life, people have been telling me,

15
00:00:37,204 --> 00:00:40,039
"you're too small, Higgs.
You're not fast enough, Higgs.

16
00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:42,308
Give up your foolish dreams, Steve."

17
00:00:42,309 --> 00:00:44,577
Steve? Who's... who's
Steve? What's happening?

18
00:00:44,578 --> 00:00:46,646
He's reciting a monologue
from "Prefontaine,"

19
00:00:46,647 --> 00:00:48,581
a feature film in which Jared Leto plays...

20
00:00:48,582 --> 00:00:51,117
A heavily mustachioed
long-distance runner.

21
00:00:51,118 --> 00:00:53,753
The lead singer from Thirty
Seconds to Mars was in a movie?

22
00:00:53,754 --> 00:00:56,222
No, the guy from "Prefontaine"
was in Thirty Seconds to Mars.

23
00:00:56,223 --> 00:01:00,026
Okay, your sister has called
for the umpteenth time.

24
00:01:00,027 --> 00:01:01,594
Your sister?

25
00:01:01,595 --> 00:01:04,330
You told me your family was lost at sea.

26
00:01:04,331 --> 00:01:06,032
Well, somebody must
have Tom Hanks'd her ass

27
00:01:06,033 --> 00:01:08,534
back to civilization and
given her this number,

28
00:01:08,535 --> 00:01:10,002
which she can be reached at.

29
00:01:13,006 --> 00:01:16,042
My sister's not lost at sea.
Okay? She's found. On land.

30
00:01:16,043 --> 00:01:18,377
My whole entire family
is alive, unfortunately.

31
00:01:18,378 --> 00:01:20,246
Eliza, you should never
wish your family dead.

32
00:01:20,247 --> 00:01:21,614
Oh, I have.

33
00:01:21,615 --> 00:01:24,116
But only after my brother
stabbed me that one time.

34
00:01:24,117 --> 00:01:26,652
You don't understand.
My sister is a monster.

35
00:01:26,653 --> 00:01:27,987
I argued for the death penalty,

36
00:01:27,988 --> 00:01:30,323
but since he was a minor,
my parents let him walk.

37
00:01:30,324 --> 00:01:32,091
She can't be that bad.

38
00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:34,627
He's grown now, went on to
have six kids of his own,

39
00:01:34,628 --> 00:01:36,128
four of whom are evil.

40
00:01:36,129 --> 00:01:38,230
Bethany tortured me with her greatness

41
00:01:38,231 --> 00:01:39,732
my whole childhood.

42
00:01:39,733 --> 00:01:42,602
I was like the redheaded stepchild,

43
00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:45,538
only we both had red
hair and we're related.

44
00:01:45,539 --> 00:01:48,140
There were never any baby
pictures of me around,

45
00:01:48,141 --> 00:01:51,354
but stupid, stupid Bethany
had professional portraits

46
00:01:51,366 --> 00:01:53,746
and brag books and bronze booties.

47
00:01:53,747 --> 00:01:56,115
And that's why you
incessantly document yourself.

48
00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:58,985
Not as bad as getting shanked
over who gets the bottom bunk.

49
00:01:58,986 --> 00:02:01,087
I could never live up to my sister's glory.

50
00:02:01,088 --> 00:02:03,990
Straight A's, class president, never farts,

51
00:02:03,991 --> 00:02:06,058
flawless skin, pretty crier.

52
00:02:06,059 --> 00:02:08,160
Eliza, all siblings are competitive.

53
00:02:08,161 --> 00:02:10,229
- Maybe she's matured.
- Huh.

54
00:02:10,230 --> 00:02:12,064
You certainly have.

55
00:02:12,065 --> 00:02:14,066
Remember, sometimes difficult
people surface in our lives

56
00:02:14,067 --> 00:02:15,601
for a reason. Think of it as a challenge.

57
00:02:15,602 --> 00:02:17,637
You're not the kind of person
who's afraid of a challenge.

58
00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:21,507
Well, I mean, I was briefly hospitalized
after the cinnamon one, but...

59
00:02:21,508 --> 00:02:24,010
Call your sister. Stay
away from your brother.

60
00:02:24,011 --> 00:02:25,144
Call your sister.

61
00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:45,531
Team,

62
00:02:45,532 --> 00:02:48,467
what do we do when we see a
sick child who needs our help?

63
00:02:48,468 --> 00:02:51,337
- We run.
- Amen.

64
00:02:51,338 --> 00:02:53,406
For the past five years, we've run

65
00:02:53,407 --> 00:02:57,009
in the kinderkare kares for kinders 10k,

66
00:02:57,010 --> 00:03:01,013
raising money to help battle
all types of childhood illness.

67
00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:04,016
But... Like so many of those sick kids,

68
00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:06,452
the 10k, over time,

69
00:03:06,453 --> 00:03:09,588
has become a real bummer.

70
00:03:09,589 --> 00:03:13,292
And I think I speak for
everyone when I say...

71
00:03:13,293 --> 00:03:15,294
I'm over it.

72
00:03:15,295 --> 00:03:19,131
- What? What'd he do?
- So this year, we're changing it up...

73
00:03:19,132 --> 00:03:21,133
With the kinderkares kares for kinders

74
00:03:21,134 --> 00:03:23,069
mighty mud run.

75
00:03:36,450 --> 00:03:39,351
Wow! I rarely get riled up over slideshows,

76
00:03:39,352 --> 00:03:42,221
but that was electrifying.

77
00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:43,989
Freddy, this is your brainchild.

78
00:03:43,990 --> 00:03:45,091
Would you like to come up here and join me

79
00:03:45,092 --> 00:03:49,095
for the first annual
ripping of the 10k poster?

80
00:03:49,096 --> 00:03:51,197
I'm sorry. We're gonna rip
the 10k poster every year?

81
00:03:51,198 --> 00:03:53,265
You got that right.

82
00:03:53,266 --> 00:03:55,501
Booyah!

83
00:03:57,003 --> 00:03:59,038
As a 3-year veteran
of the mud run circuit,

84
00:03:59,039 --> 00:04:00,539
I wanna welcome you to
this new and exciting world

85
00:04:00,540 --> 00:04:02,575
that'll find its way into your heart

86
00:04:02,576 --> 00:04:03,642
and your butt crack.

87
00:04:05,178 --> 00:04:07,146
I hate to partake in the
use of slang contractions,

88
00:04:07,147 --> 00:04:08,514
but would this not be

89
00:04:08,515 --> 00:04:11,183
an "if it ain't broke,
don't fix it" type situation?

90
00:04:11,184 --> 00:04:12,985
Uh, I think it's more of

91
00:04:12,986 --> 00:04:15,421
a "sounds hella cool,
let's do it" type situation.

92
00:04:15,422 --> 00:04:16,655
Huh? Am I right?

93
00:04:16,656 --> 00:04:18,257
But if you don't wanna brave the course,

94
00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:20,659
there are a number of
other ways you can help out.

95
00:04:20,660 --> 00:04:23,095
Now Linda has the, uh,
waivers and the sign-up sheets.

96
00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:26,165
Thank you, all, very much.

97
00:04:26,166 --> 00:04:28,134
Good job. I am so doing refreshments.

98
00:04:28,135 --> 00:04:29,335
They give you 300 bucks,

99
00:04:29,336 --> 00:04:30,703
and then I just steal
food from the breakroom

100
00:04:30,704 --> 00:04:32,304
and pocket the cash.

101
00:04:32,305 --> 00:04:34,039
She said proudly.

102
00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:35,441
Don't judge me, Henry.

103
00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:37,143
It's a victimless crime.

104
00:04:37,144 --> 00:04:38,544
Gimme.

105
00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:43,983
- Hey, bad girl.
- Hey, Freddy.

106
00:04:43,984 --> 00:04:47,186
You being good or you being a
naughty, naughty little sex face?

107
00:04:47,187 --> 00:04:48,654
- I don't know.
- What's wrong?

108
00:04:48,655 --> 00:04:51,624
Freddy! Look, I just thought
we were getting more serious.

109
00:04:51,625 --> 00:04:53,359
And serious couples are supposed to do more

110
00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:54,994
than just... Dirty talk.

111
00:04:54,995 --> 00:04:56,095
Yeah, I know.

112
00:04:56,096 --> 00:04:58,597
That's why I got us
matinee tickets to "Pippin."

113
00:04:58,598 --> 00:05:01,634
- What the...
- It's a musical.

114
00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:03,102
Look, is this another one
of Henry's assignments?

115
00:05:03,103 --> 00:05:05,104
Because I don't know how
our relationship is supposed

116
00:05:05,105 --> 00:05:07,533
to survive with Henry always
just sticking his big stu...

117
00:05:07,558 --> 00:05:10,142
Believe it or not, Henry does not
control everything I say and do.

118
00:05:11,545 --> 00:05:13,412
Ah, but that's my sister calling...

119
00:05:13,413 --> 00:05:16,015
And Henry
says I have to take it.

120
00:05:16,016 --> 00:05:18,717
Hello?

121
00:05:18,718 --> 00:05:20,553
Right. Yeah.

122
00:05:25,091 --> 00:05:26,125
- Henry!
- Aah!

123
00:05:26,126 --> 00:05:28,594
See that? It's my mud run trainin', son.

124
00:05:28,595 --> 00:05:30,663
Came in quick with the side lunge.

125
00:05:30,664 --> 00:05:33,365
Whoo! How bomb is this race gonna be, huh?

126
00:05:33,366 --> 00:05:35,568
Quite bomb, I'm certain.

127
00:05:35,569 --> 00:05:38,204
Hope you're not too bummed
out about me bagging your 10k.

128
00:05:38,205 --> 00:05:40,206
- Not at all. No.
- Good, because I hear some of the ladies

129
00:05:40,207 --> 00:05:42,441
got their panties in a bunch
over the change of plans.

130
00:05:44,110 --> 00:05:46,178
That's... that's weird.

131
00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:48,113
What are they gonna do next
year? Throw us in a pit?

132
00:05:48,114 --> 00:05:50,316
Have us claw our way out?

133
00:05:50,317 --> 00:05:53,752
I have no upper body
strength. It's all in my legs.

134
00:05:53,753 --> 00:05:55,421
- Sir.
- Oh.

135
00:05:58,191 --> 00:06:02,094
In this corner, the Asian import...

136
00:06:02,095 --> 00:06:04,129
Actually, sir, I was born in Van Nuys.

137
00:06:04,130 --> 00:06:06,599
Fast as he is sexy. A study
of superior engineering.

138
00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:08,200
And in...

139
00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:10,102
Actually, Freddy, could you
just move to your left slightly?

140
00:06:10,103 --> 00:06:11,103
- Sure.
- That's great.

141
00:06:11,104 --> 00:06:13,505
And in this corner, the adonis

142
00:06:13,506 --> 00:06:15,708
carved out of Italian-Canadian marble,

143
00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:19,011
not an ounce of wasted
mass on his exquisite frame.

144
00:06:19,012 --> 00:06:21,046
Who will be the Victor?

145
00:06:21,047 --> 00:06:22,414
We may never know,

146
00:06:22,415 --> 00:06:25,551
as Henry has yet to nut up.

147
00:06:25,552 --> 00:06:27,052
Dude, nut up.

148
00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:30,122
I'm sorry, but I was conditioning my
body for the rigors of 10 kilometers.

149
00:06:30,123 --> 00:06:32,157
Oh! Come on, gramps. Change it up.

150
00:06:32,158 --> 00:06:33,993
- "Gramps"?
- Yeah. It'll keep you young, you know?

151
00:06:33,994 --> 00:06:35,060
Shock your system.

152
00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:37,496
He's right. I surprise my body every day,

153
00:06:37,497 --> 00:06:39,198
which is not easy because
my body knows me so...

154
00:06:39,199 --> 00:06:40,466
Boo! Aha! Whoa!

155
00:06:40,467 --> 00:06:42,167
Push-ups! Ha ha!

156
00:06:42,168 --> 00:06:43,702
My body didn't see that coming.

157
00:06:43,703 --> 00:06:45,137
Bam! Joke's on you, quads!

158
00:06:45,138 --> 00:06:46,972
Thought you were having a nice
leisurely chat with Henry? Nope.

159
00:06:46,973 --> 00:06:49,041
20 reps, 4 sets. Let's go.

160
00:06:49,042 --> 00:06:50,976
Come on, Henry. Get it! Come on!

161
00:06:52,045 --> 00:06:53,212
Bonjour, bloodstream!

162
00:06:53,213 --> 00:06:55,447
Let's get you oxygenated, shall we?

163
00:06:55,448 --> 00:06:58,751
Dude, did you just speak
French to your bloodstream?

164
00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:00,185
Oui.

165
00:07:00,186 --> 00:07:02,321
"Oui"? What?

166
00:07:02,322 --> 00:07:04,223
As I prepared for my sister's arrival,

167
00:07:04,224 --> 00:07:05,591
I was determined to show her

168
00:07:05,592 --> 00:07:07,693
how responsible and successful I'd become.

169
00:07:07,694 --> 00:07:10,062
Even though we'd barely
spoken since we were teenagers,

170
00:07:10,063 --> 00:07:11,630
I knew everything I needed
to know about Bethany

171
00:07:11,631 --> 00:07:13,132
from her instagram.

172
00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:14,600
With her perfect brunches
and homemade lunches

173
00:07:14,601 --> 00:07:16,001
and her adorable husband Peter

174
00:07:16,002 --> 00:07:17,369
and the handwritten notes he leaves her

175
00:07:17,370 --> 00:07:19,505
and her identical
friends on a 7-day cleanse

176
00:07:19,506 --> 00:07:23,108
and her certified pre-owned
2013 basic bitch beemer.

177
00:07:25,679 --> 00:07:29,679
Eliza? It's me! Hello?

178
00:07:30,016 --> 00:07:31,016
Eliza?

179
00:07:31,017 --> 00:07:34,620
Every time I hear Bethany's voice...

180
00:07:35,989 --> 00:07:37,990
It's like I'm 5 years old again.

181
00:07:41,995 --> 00:07:44,229
Hi!

182
00:07:44,230 --> 00:07:45,731
- Hello!
- Oh!

183
00:07:47,634 --> 00:07:50,202
Oh!

184
00:07:50,203 --> 00:07:54,106
Eliza, look at your place. It's so you.

185
00:07:54,107 --> 00:07:56,508
- What's that supposed to mean?
- Uh, nothing?

186
00:07:56,509 --> 00:07:58,644
Have a seat. Oh, my God. Here.

187
00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:01,146
Let me just move the pay stub
from the bonus check I received

188
00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:03,115
for being my company's
top performing sales rep

189
00:08:03,116 --> 00:08:05,017
and put it next to the
crystal champagne flutes

190
00:08:05,018 --> 00:08:06,719
I received for the exact same reason.

191
00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:08,687
Whoa, sounds like someone's
great at their job.

192
00:08:08,688 --> 00:08:09,989
That's amazing, Eliza.

193
00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:13,158
It's amazing? You're
amazed that I can do a job?

194
00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:14,693
Not really. You were doing a great job

195
00:08:14,694 --> 00:08:16,528
of avoiding talking to
me for the past week.

196
00:08:16,529 --> 00:08:19,999
Oh, well, let's just
say, um, I didn't want to.

197
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:22,668
Eliza, I did not come here to
fight. I just wanted to connect

198
00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:24,503
and talk about what's been going on.

199
00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:26,105
Oh, what has been going
on? Well, let me see.

200
00:08:26,106 --> 00:08:27,639
I'm pretty great. Super-hot boyfriend.

201
00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:29,141
Befriended a working mom.

202
00:08:29,142 --> 00:08:30,309
She's a little bit of a maxxinista,

203
00:08:30,310 --> 00:08:32,077
- but we make it work...
- I'm pregnant!

204
00:08:32,078 --> 00:08:35,047
Eliza, I'm gonna be a mom!

205
00:08:35,048 --> 00:08:36,415
You're gonna be an aunt!

206
00:08:36,416 --> 00:08:38,017
To the baby that I am the mom of!

207
00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:39,685
Aah!

208
00:08:39,686 --> 00:08:42,421
Sorry. I couldn't keep it in
any longer.

209
00:08:42,422 --> 00:08:44,590
The news, not the baby.

210
00:08:46,192 --> 00:08:48,594
What a surprise.

211
00:08:48,595 --> 00:08:50,562
Bethany didn't come to catch up with me.

212
00:08:50,563 --> 00:08:52,431
She came to catch me up on her.

213
00:08:52,432 --> 00:08:55,167
Can we use your champagne
flutes to toast my good news?

214
00:08:55,168 --> 00:08:56,468
The sole purpose of her visit

215
00:08:56,469 --> 00:08:57,970
was to take the spotlight from me

216
00:08:57,971 --> 00:08:59,638
and shine it directly upon herself

217
00:08:59,639 --> 00:09:02,074
and her big, stupid uterus.

218
00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:05,010
I think maybe we'll just
rinse these out first.

219
00:09:05,011 --> 00:09:06,745
And if she could make me
feel bad about myself...

220
00:09:06,746 --> 00:09:08,313
While doing it?

221
00:09:08,314 --> 00:09:09,681
Bonus points.

222
00:09:12,164 --> 00:09:14,553
This must be C.G.I.'d.

223
00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:16,755
This is fake!

224
00:09:16,756 --> 00:09:18,624
I'm gonna die out there.

225
00:09:18,625 --> 00:09:20,759
I'm gonna die out there.

226
00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:22,995
I never should have listened to you.

227
00:09:22,996 --> 00:09:24,096
W-what are you talking about?

228
00:09:24,097 --> 00:09:26,632
Now my sister is in my house, pregnant.

229
00:09:26,633 --> 00:09:28,133
She's pregnant?!

230
00:09:28,134 --> 00:09:30,069
You're gonna be an aunt!
Eliza, congratulations!

231
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:31,336
Yippee! The greatest thing

232
00:09:31,337 --> 00:09:33,105
that ever happened to
me didn't happen to me.

233
00:09:33,106 --> 00:09:35,107
- It happened to her.
- What are you talking about?

234
00:09:35,108 --> 00:09:36,308
This whole pregnancy is Bethany's way

235
00:09:36,309 --> 00:09:38,644
of trying to make me feel like
my own life is insignificant.

236
00:09:38,645 --> 00:09:41,146
Eliza, you don't actually
think that your sister decided

237
00:09:41,147 --> 00:09:42,748
to have a baby just to spite you?

238
00:09:42,749 --> 00:09:44,116
Well, how else do you explain the fact

239
00:09:44,117 --> 00:09:46,418
that she is due on October 18th?

240
00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:48,487
That is the week before my birthday.

241
00:09:48,488 --> 00:09:51,723
It's like her baby is trying
to bogart October for me.

242
00:09:51,724 --> 00:09:54,760
Eliza, that is insane. Can't
you just be happy for her?

243
00:09:54,761 --> 00:09:57,062
Mm...

244
00:09:57,063 --> 00:09:59,131
No. No.

245
00:09:59,132 --> 00:10:00,365
Hey, are you stalking Freddy?

246
00:10:00,366 --> 00:10:03,068
Don't... Ugh!

247
00:10:03,069 --> 00:10:06,171
I'm not stalking Freddy. I'm
studying him. Sizing him up.

248
00:10:06,172 --> 00:10:08,307
Researching what he does to
prepare for these competitions.

249
00:10:08,308 --> 00:10:10,409
It's no secret that the
two of us are frenemies.

250
00:10:10,410 --> 00:10:12,044
Don't ever use that word.

251
00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:14,012
I don't wanna embarrass myself out there.

252
00:10:14,013 --> 00:10:17,449
Then just ask Freddy for help.
He would love to help you train.

253
00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:19,017
Please. He can't stand me.

254
00:10:19,018 --> 00:10:21,053
Only because he thinks you can't stand him.

255
00:10:21,054 --> 00:10:22,087
Oh, come on. That's why he can't stand me?

256
00:10:22,088 --> 00:10:23,722
So if he thought I could stand him,

257
00:10:23,723 --> 00:10:25,991
- then we'd be able to stand each other?
- Maybe.

258
00:10:25,992 --> 00:10:28,494
I've always thought you guys might like
each other if you didn't hate each other.

259
00:10:28,495 --> 00:10:30,195
And besides, aren't you the one who told me

260
00:10:30,196 --> 00:10:32,231
"sometimes challenging
people come into our lives

261
00:10:32,232 --> 00:10:34,666
for a reason?"

262
00:10:36,069 --> 00:10:38,504
So I agreed to squash it
with Rosemary's baby mama,

263
00:10:38,505 --> 00:10:40,005
and Henry agreed to squat it with Freddy.

264
00:10:40,006 --> 00:10:41,373
It's kinda weird, huh?

265
00:10:41,374 --> 00:10:44,409
It's like a whole weird, uh, role reversal.

266
00:10:44,410 --> 00:10:45,744
In what sense?

267
00:10:45,745 --> 00:10:47,279
Well, I mean, normally, you're
telling Eliza what to do,

268
00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:50,115
and now I'm here telling
you what to do. You know?

269
00:10:50,116 --> 00:10:52,017
Right, but in a true role reversal...

270
00:10:52,018 --> 00:10:53,085
Yeah, whatever, dude.

271
00:10:53,086 --> 00:10:55,020
Don't be so literal, okay?

272
00:10:55,021 --> 00:10:57,055
Literal people can suck it.

273
00:10:57,056 --> 00:10:58,724
But not literally.

274
00:10:58,725 --> 00:11:01,093
Okay. Let's start with a simple salutation

275
00:11:01,094 --> 00:11:03,195
that will open our minds so
that we can challenge our bodies.

276
00:11:03,196 --> 00:11:04,496
Sounds good. Yeah.

277
00:11:06,266 --> 00:11:07,533
Kneel down.

278
00:11:07,534 --> 00:11:11,069
Oh, right here? In the... Dirt?

279
00:11:11,070 --> 00:11:12,404
Now... Repeat after me.

280
00:11:12,405 --> 00:11:13,672
Mm.

281
00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:16,175
"Freddy, help me. Help me, please.

282
00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:17,709
"Without you, I'm nothing.

283
00:11:17,710 --> 00:11:18,977
I'm down on my knees."

284
00:11:18,978 --> 00:11:20,078
All right, I'm not sure that's really...

285
00:11:20,079 --> 00:11:21,647
"Freddy, you're strong,

286
00:11:21,648 --> 00:11:23,215
"and I'm so weak.

287
00:11:23,216 --> 00:11:25,017
"My spirit is old,

288
00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:27,119
but yours is at its peak."

289
00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:28,987
All right.

290
00:11:28,988 --> 00:11:30,556
- Let's get this over with, all right?
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

291
00:11:30,557 --> 00:11:32,057
I'm just messing with you, dude.

292
00:11:32,058 --> 00:11:34,159
Look, truth is, with these races,

293
00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:35,394
you can never really be ready.

294
00:11:35,395 --> 00:11:37,095
Okay? That's the most important
thing for you to understand.

295
00:11:37,096 --> 00:11:38,163
You're not ready.

296
00:11:38,164 --> 00:11:41,066
All you can do is just show up,
take what the mud run throws at ya,

297
00:11:41,067 --> 00:11:42,701
which is, you know, usually...

298
00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:44,036
- Mud.
- Ah! You see?

299
00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:46,638
- Literal.
- But not incorrect.

300
00:11:46,639 --> 00:11:49,474
Booyah! Let's get it!

301
00:11:49,475 --> 00:11:50,742
Whoo!

302
00:11:50,743 --> 00:11:52,244
Come on! Whoo!

303
00:11:52,245 --> 00:11:54,513
Yeah! Let's... Get it.

304
00:11:54,514 --> 00:11:57,316
Oh, I think it'll give her
life a whole new purpose.

305
00:11:57,317 --> 00:11:59,384
It has to.

306
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,120
Okay. Hold on.

307
00:12:02,121 --> 00:12:04,990
Dada wants to talk to you!

308
00:12:04,991 --> 00:12:07,059
Dada wants to say hello!

309
00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:08,727
Does your fetus even have ears yet?

310
00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:10,128
Because I don't think it does.

311
00:12:10,129 --> 00:12:11,763
I should probably hop.
Eliza's getting cranky.

312
00:12:11,764 --> 00:12:13,632
No, nothing exciting.

313
00:12:13,633 --> 00:12:15,067
I'm just gonna meet all
the people she works with.

314
00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:17,102
I love you.

315
00:12:17,103 --> 00:12:20,105
I love you more.

316
00:12:20,106 --> 00:12:22,374
Okay, so technically, this isn't work.

317
00:12:22,375 --> 00:12:23,976
It is a work event,

318
00:12:23,977 --> 00:12:26,111
so I need you to not do Bethany things.

319
00:12:26,112 --> 00:12:27,446
What are "Bethany things"?

320
00:12:27,447 --> 00:12:30,148
You know, "everyone, look
at me. No one look at Eliza."

321
00:12:30,149 --> 00:12:31,250
- I don't do that.
- See?

322
00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:34,152
There you go again,
making it all about you.

323
00:12:34,153 --> 00:12:35,220
I really don't wanna fight.

324
00:12:35,221 --> 00:12:37,122
I promise I will just
follow your lead today.

325
00:12:37,123 --> 00:12:38,323
Thank you.

326
00:12:38,324 --> 00:12:39,691
Which means I will not point out that if

327
00:12:39,692 --> 00:12:42,027
you don't change now before
we leave, we're gonna be late.

328
00:12:46,032 --> 00:12:47,966
Not according to Waze.

329
00:12:47,967 --> 00:12:49,034
It was killing her.

330
00:12:49,035 --> 00:12:50,969
She can never let me have the last word.

331
00:12:50,970 --> 00:12:53,972
- Sometimes Waze is wrong.
- Get out of my house!

332
00:12:56,342 --> 00:12:58,744
Hey. Eliza. You need any help? Is this it?

333
00:12:58,745 --> 00:13:01,013
Nope. My sister's
wheeling the keg over now.

334
00:13:01,014 --> 00:13:02,714
- The... the keg?
- I went all out.

335
00:13:02,715 --> 00:13:04,449
I got a keg of beer, a deli ring,

336
00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:06,118
some assorted pastries, a
gallon bag of hot cheetos,

337
00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:08,053
a couple of coffee boxes, and, like, a...

338
00:13:08,054 --> 00:13:09,521
Babe, you... you can't have
any of that during a race.

339
00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:10,989
It's Miller lite.

340
00:13:10,990 --> 00:13:12,257
Should I send somebody out on a run?

341
00:13:12,258 --> 00:13:13,592
I'm really concerned people
are gonna be dehydrated.

342
00:13:13,593 --> 00:13:15,994
Hey. Hey! Don't get all
tense and uptight on me, okay?

343
00:13:15,995 --> 00:13:17,462
You get uptight, it's gonna
seep into your muscles.

344
00:13:17,463 --> 00:13:18,697
You're gonna cramp up.

345
00:13:18,698 --> 00:13:20,532
Great advice, Freddy.
Henry's always uptight.

346
00:13:20,533 --> 00:13:23,068
Yeah, keep it loose,
okay? Loosen up. Come on.

347
00:13:23,069 --> 00:13:24,136
Let me see you get loose.

348
00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:25,337
- Like this?
- Perfect. Yeah.

349
00:13:25,338 --> 00:13:26,672
Now repeat after me.

350
00:13:26,673 --> 00:13:28,340
"Freddy, help me, please... "

351
00:13:28,341 --> 00:13:29,975
Okay, I am done repeating after you.

352
00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:32,177
Eliza, do you want me to
set everything up over here,

353
00:13:32,178 --> 00:13:33,445
in the shade?

354
00:13:33,446 --> 00:13:35,213
See? She wants to keep my refreshments

355
00:13:35,214 --> 00:13:37,683
on the sidelines, where
no one can see them!

356
00:13:37,684 --> 00:13:39,418
I also grabbed some water and bananas

357
00:13:39,419 --> 00:13:41,219
just in case anyone didn't
feel like day-drinking

358
00:13:41,220 --> 00:13:42,587
before the big race.

359
00:13:42,588 --> 00:13:43,989
I don't think anybody's
gonna want those. We've got...

360
00:13:43,990 --> 00:13:45,390
Bananas? Whoo!

361
00:13:45,391 --> 00:13:46,625
So much stuff.

362
00:13:46,626 --> 00:13:48,060
You're gonna kill me
if I grab a banana, huh?

363
00:13:48,061 --> 00:13:51,163
- Don't even think about it.
- Yeah.

364
00:13:51,164 --> 00:13:53,398
- You good?
- Yeah. I'm good.

365
00:13:53,399 --> 00:13:54,700
Oh. You?

366
00:13:54,701 --> 00:13:56,134
- What's that supposed to mean?
- Nothing.

367
00:13:56,135 --> 00:13:59,971
You're so busy instructing all of us,
I'm afraid you're neglecting yourself.

368
00:13:59,972 --> 00:14:01,273
For example, is your
right knee bothering you?

369
00:14:01,274 --> 00:14:02,607
'Cause I've noticed

370
00:14:02,608 --> 00:14:04,042
you've been favoring your left all morning.

371
00:14:04,043 --> 00:14:06,211
Trying to get in my
head... through my knee?

372
00:14:06,212 --> 00:14:07,412
Me trying getting in your head?

373
00:14:07,413 --> 00:14:09,014
What was all that stuff
up in the mountain, huh?

374
00:14:09,015 --> 00:14:10,148
Telling me I'll never be ready,

375
00:14:10,149 --> 00:14:12,017
making me kneel down and beg you for help?

376
00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:13,752
I was breaking you down so
I could build you back up.

377
00:14:13,753 --> 00:14:16,088
Okay? It's a very common, uh...

378
00:14:16,089 --> 00:14:17,456
Raj, come on. Help me out here.

379
00:14:17,457 --> 00:14:19,291
- Please don't rope me into conflict.
- Fine.

380
00:14:19,292 --> 00:14:21,360
You don't want my help? That's fine.

381
00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:23,462
You just added another
obstacle to your race, buddy.

382
00:14:23,463 --> 00:14:25,697
And that's me. It's on, bro!

383
00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:28,100
Bro, don't call me "bro," bro.

384
00:14:28,101 --> 00:14:29,968
I'm not your bro. I mean, non-bro.

385
00:14:29,969 --> 00:14:33,138
Here in my hand... the starter's pistol.

386
00:14:33,139 --> 00:14:34,439
But before I fire it,

387
00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:37,542
I'd just like to say... Boo!

388
00:14:49,689 --> 00:14:53,158
Oh! Baby girl, I would be so honored

389
00:14:53,159 --> 00:14:55,227
if you used Charmonique as a middle name.

390
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:58,530
Now... I don't know how the time went by,

391
00:14:58,531 --> 00:15:01,032
but I best be on my way.

392
00:15:01,033 --> 00:15:03,268
- I know you can do it!
- I can do it!

393
00:15:04,270 --> 00:15:06,004
- How?
- How what?

394
00:15:06,005 --> 00:15:08,006
How do you know she can do it?

395
00:15:08,007 --> 00:15:10,108
If you know the first
thing about Charmonique,

396
00:15:10,109 --> 00:15:12,110
you know that she probably can't do it,

397
00:15:12,111 --> 00:15:14,246
and she's going to hurt herself trying.

398
00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:15,981
I was just trying to be positive.

399
00:15:15,982 --> 00:15:17,482
No, you were just trying
to help her walk away,

400
00:15:17,483 --> 00:15:20,252
thinking, "oh, wow, what a great person,"

401
00:15:20,253 --> 00:15:22,621
- but you and I both know the truth.
- What truth?

402
00:15:22,622 --> 00:15:24,189
That you're not a great person.

403
00:15:24,190 --> 00:15:26,158
Every single thing you've ever done

404
00:15:26,159 --> 00:15:28,193
is designed to make me feel like crap.

405
00:15:28,194 --> 00:15:31,129
I mean, isn't that why you
really came here this weekend?

406
00:15:31,130 --> 00:15:33,465
I came here this weekend to
tell you I'm having a baby.

407
00:15:33,466 --> 00:15:36,401
Well...

408
00:15:36,402 --> 00:15:37,669
Congratulations

409
00:15:37,670 --> 00:15:40,305
on making yet another
human being who will think

410
00:15:40,306 --> 00:15:42,007
you're better than me!

411
00:15:45,344 --> 00:15:47,078
Wow, you really stuck it

412
00:15:47,079 --> 00:15:49,514
to that kind and generous pregnant woman.

413
00:15:49,515 --> 00:15:51,016
Go.

414
00:16:03,062 --> 00:16:06,565
Oh, yeah!

415
00:16:09,101 --> 00:16:11,002
Damn.

416
00:16:11,003 --> 00:16:14,673
Oh, Freddy, huh? Running behind
that inspirational man-God

417
00:16:14,674 --> 00:16:16,374
makes all the pain go away!

418
00:16:16,375 --> 00:16:18,977
Aah! Uhh!

419
00:16:28,187 --> 00:16:31,022
Do I get a participant ribbon for this?

420
00:16:37,697 --> 00:16:41,099
Gone. Is he really that fast?

421
00:16:44,036 --> 00:16:46,071
- It ends now!
- Whoa!

422
00:16:48,140 --> 00:16:51,543
- What is your problem?!
- You're my problem!

423
00:16:51,544 --> 00:16:52,711
With... you're talking down to me,

424
00:16:52,712 --> 00:16:54,045
you're trying to make me feel stupid.

425
00:16:54,046 --> 00:16:56,281
Forcing Eliza to question
our relationship...

426
00:16:56,282 --> 00:16:58,049
It's like you live to undermine me!

427
00:16:58,050 --> 00:17:00,452
Make me feel inferior! Who's inferior now?!

428
00:17:06,092 --> 00:17:07,225
You tell me!

429
00:17:07,226 --> 00:17:09,261
See, that's the knee I was worried about.

430
00:17:09,262 --> 00:17:11,129
Aah!

431
00:17:11,130 --> 00:17:12,098
Uhh!

432
00:17:12,099 --> 00:17:13,099
- Uhh!
- Aah!

433
00:17:13,100 --> 00:17:14,466
And for the record,

434
00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:16,034
you're the one who's undermining.

435
00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:17,569
You challenge everything I say!

436
00:17:17,570 --> 00:17:19,571
You're constantly making
cracks about my age,

437
00:17:19,572 --> 00:17:22,407
and you often besmirch my neckties!

438
00:17:22,408 --> 00:17:24,376
Uhh!

439
00:17:25,511 --> 00:17:27,712
Admit it. You're insanely jealous

440
00:17:27,713 --> 00:17:31,016
of my youth, my girl, of my kick-ass hair!

441
00:17:31,017 --> 00:17:33,451
Oh, beg pardon. My hair
kicks ass in its own right.

442
00:17:33,452 --> 00:17:35,186
Your hair dreams about being my hair.

443
00:17:35,187 --> 00:17:37,556
Hair is not sentient,
and thus cannot dream!

444
00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:39,224
Literally!

445
00:17:39,225 --> 00:17:40,592
You know what I can't dream about?

446
00:17:40,593 --> 00:17:43,094
How many stupid bow ties you must own.

447
00:17:57,977 --> 00:17:59,044
What...

448
00:17:59,045 --> 00:18:01,479
Bethany, what are you doing?!

449
00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:02,981
I'm putting your apartment
back to the way it was

450
00:18:02,982 --> 00:18:06,284
before I tidied up this morning.

451
00:18:06,285 --> 00:18:07,319
Hey! Hey!

452
00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:09,988
No, these go over here.

453
00:18:09,989 --> 00:18:11,590
Someday, when you have a new life

454
00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:14,059
- swelling inside your belly...
- Oh, here we go.

455
00:18:14,060 --> 00:18:15,760
You might wanna reach
out to your only sister

456
00:18:15,761 --> 00:18:17,529
so your baby knows who its family is,

457
00:18:17,530 --> 00:18:19,998
and when that day comes, I
will be there for you, Eliza.

458
00:18:19,999 --> 00:18:21,633
Because you're perfect.

459
00:18:21,634 --> 00:18:24,436
- Because I will understand.
- What do you understand?

460
00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:28,373
You have no idea what it was
like growing up invisible.

461
00:18:28,374 --> 00:18:30,275
Bethany's first haircut,

462
00:18:30,276 --> 00:18:31,343
Bethany's first tooth,

463
00:18:31,344 --> 00:18:33,178
Bethany's first poo-poo in the potty.

464
00:18:33,179 --> 00:18:35,080
Nobody gave a crap when I crapped.

465
00:18:35,081 --> 00:18:38,283
Good lord! Our parents were
going through a divorce, Eliza.

466
00:18:38,284 --> 00:18:41,219
Mom was completely
overwhelmed and doing it alone,

467
00:18:41,220 --> 00:18:43,421
so, yeah, you didn't get
the same amount of attention

468
00:18:43,422 --> 00:18:45,523
that I did, and I'm sorry.

469
00:18:45,524 --> 00:18:49,461
It wasn't fair, but it wasn't my fault,

470
00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:52,097
and it wasn't yours, either.

471
00:18:54,567 --> 00:18:58,103
I always felt like from the moment
I was born, our family fell apart.

472
00:18:58,104 --> 00:19:02,073
Huh. Never really thought
about it that way, but...

473
00:19:02,074 --> 00:19:06,011
I'm serious. I always
thought you blamed me, and...

474
00:19:06,012 --> 00:19:08,546
And that was why you moved away.

475
00:19:08,547 --> 00:19:10,415
I didn't move away. I went to college.

476
00:19:10,416 --> 00:19:12,083
Yeah, for four years.

477
00:19:12,084 --> 00:19:15,654
Yes, Eliza, that's how long college takes.

478
00:19:17,757 --> 00:19:20,392
I guess I took everything too personally.

479
00:19:22,194 --> 00:19:24,162
And that's what kids do.

480
00:19:25,331 --> 00:19:27,499
But we're not kids anymore.

481
00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:30,970
I know.

482
00:19:37,977 --> 00:19:43,070
Maybe Bethany and I were finally done

483
00:19:43,082 --> 00:19:45,684
beating each other up.

484
00:20:05,104 --> 00:20:07,272
A little bit of rivalry can be healthy,

485
00:20:07,273 --> 00:20:09,574
and if you don't let it destroy you...

486
00:20:09,575 --> 00:20:11,076
We tied...

487
00:20:11,077 --> 00:20:12,343
Like in "Rocky 1."

488
00:20:12,344 --> 00:20:15,146
Maybe we should bury the hatchet,

489
00:20:15,147 --> 00:20:16,648
like in "Rocky 3."

490
00:20:16,649 --> 00:20:18,083
It can actually bring you closer.

491
00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:23,388
And tying for second place,

492
00:20:23,389 --> 00:20:25,223
Freddy and Henry,

493
00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:28,026
whose petty rivalry paved
the way for an upset.

494
00:20:28,027 --> 00:20:30,995
Our first-placed winner

495
00:20:30,996 --> 00:20:33,131
is...

496
00:20:33,132 --> 00:20:37,132
Charmonique! Ha ha!

497
00:20:48,047 --> 00:20:49,481
It just goes to show,

498
00:20:49,482 --> 00:20:52,183
sometimes people can surprise you.

499
00:20:52,184 --> 00:20:55,153
After a lifetime of
following my sister around...

500
00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:04,195
She was finally following me back,

501
00:21:04,196 --> 00:21:05,497
and she was right.

502
00:21:05,498 --> 00:21:07,165
We weren't kids anymore.

503
00:21:07,166 --> 00:21:10,335
So it was time to start
acting like an adult.

504
00:21:10,336 --> 00:21:12,971
Mom!

505
00:21:12,972 --> 00:21:14,405
It's Eliza.

506
00:21:14,406 --> 00:21:17,408
So...

507
00:21:17,409 --> 00:21:20,112
How are you?

508
00:21:21,296 --> 00:21:26,649
Sync and corrections by madhatters
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